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My wrists are angry from a recent storm of typing at work. So what am I doing now?

Typing.

Right, because the theory is that if I tie myself to the computer I will finish my thesis faster.

But my brain is angry from the recent storm of thinking at work and is staging a mutiny. (After all, I just finished a pretty good whitepaper on something I didn't know anything about prior to Monday. So don't I deserve not to have to write?)

I have a feeling blogging is going to be kind of sporadic for the next couple of months. I promise I will do my best!

:: ::

I'm having, as John Mayer puts it, a quarter-life crisis.

I applied for this fellowship yesterday. It feels good to have it finished, and I should find out in about 3-4 weeks whether I get to interview. To those who gave me feedback-- thank you! If I get it, it would be a really great opportunity to get down in the trenches of a community to help improve food access, and then I'd get to go back to DC to try to stir up some action there.

But the thing is... if I take this fellowship, it still only solves my problem for a year. What am I going to do with my life after that?!!! (Yes, this question does merit three exclamation points.)

I have all these grand plans, but I get really discouraged when I think about how most leadership roles require sitting on my duff in an uncomfortable chair for 8+ hours a day. I really think I should be over this by now, but I'm not. Sitting for hours on end is my deepest circle of hell. It's uncomfortable and boring and makes me want to scream because bodies were made to move. I hate not being able to concentrate because oxygen has stopped racing through my brain and is, instead, oozing.

I was puzzling about this today (until my puzzler was sore) trying to figure out why I didn't realize this in college. I've been working since my sophomore year of high school, so why am I suddenly having such a hard time working? And then I realized that every single job I've had so far has had me moving and interacting with people and things around me. I feel like a child with some sort of stimulation deficit-- or an attention deficit. I need to break things up. I CRAVE it. I liked having multiple patients every hour and having multiple responsibilities during the day so that desk time was confined to 4- or 5-hour chunks. I liked getting immediate feedback from my environment (instead of just staring at a screen). And I liked the seemingly paradoxical security/instability that comes from working with people; I can be safe in my competence but still get a welcome and vigorous challenge from unpredictable and unique people.

I also think some part of me needs to be standing up at the front of a room drawing things on the board and talking to people about things we care about. I really think my dream is perfect-- carrying a half-time patient load as an outpatient dietitian, and leading diabetes group management programs the other half of the time. I'd get to move. Engage. Teach. And the desk time would have a visible end. Basically, it would be more immediate gratification, because I'd get to see people processing things everyday, even before the total program impact is clear.

But boy is it hard to find a position like that. And p.s., I'm not a stinking dietitian yet. I mean, how do you summarize that dream into a nice Google-friendly search term without using the word "dietitian"? It's like playing an unfortunate game of Taboo.

On the upside, I'm pretty decent at Taboo. :) Wellness coordinator and health coach have been doing pretty well for me so far, and I'm sure I'll find something. There's even a company in Chicago that looks promising. And if nothing else, I have a lot of options in the fitness industry. The thing is, I really want to help people love themselves and it's just more effective to start with food. Most everyone likes food, whereas not everyone likes exercise --yet.

So I'll keep looking. I just really want to do something I love and I also really want to live in a city because, let's be honest, I miss roommates and I miss boys. And I want that city and that job to be awesome enough to hold my attention for a few years, because otherwise I start to feel unbearably flighty and might do something drastic like move to Alaska. Or Spain.

Anyway, for now I'm here and that's good. And by this time next week I'll have started class again and will also have started a cool social marketing project at the department of health. Tune in next time... :)

Blessed vacation

Well hello! I am back.

I know that most of the people that read this are the ones I just visited. So thanks for indulging me as I recap some of my fun from being in Colorado and Utah with family and friends (and the mountains, which count as both). :) Feel free to skip ahead, but I want to capture some of the things I love about the holidays-- I want to remember the core ingredients that make up the good times so I can help re-concoct them again, even when the rest of the ingredients change (as they most certainly will). :)

And that's kind of what traditions are, right?

With the extended family, I love the Christmas Eve nativity puppet show and the piñata we have every year. The puppet show is staffed by the grandkids on my mom's side (the ones who can be there), and the story comes from both Matthew and Luke so we can get the wise men in there. (I plan to make my own set of puppets eventually.) Then we break open the piñata!

This particular Christmas was momentous because we decided to shake things up a little with these traditions. For example, we always let the youngest choose their puppet first, and there's always a fight for Mary. This means that I have not been Mary since I was five. Or may seven. But guess who got to be Mary this year...

(James was doing the reading, so he's not in the pic.)

Yup, exactly. I think it was because none of the "little kids" are really little enough anymore to cry if they aren't Mary. Anyway, the fact that everyone always wants to be Mary makes me smile. It also took all 9 of us to break the piñata, which is also rare since those "kids" are also much stronger and usually break it before it gets to any of my siblings. (We're the oldest.)

Other things I love: Opening stockings and reading Tú Eres Especial with my siblings (which did not happen this year since none of us actually woke up in the middle of the night), omelettes for Christmas breakfast, and everyone getting at least one book (usually from "Santa").

So basically, I love all the things we do that give us a chance to spend stress-free time together, to be festive and remember what Christmas is about, and to build memories together. And I think we do a good job of splitting extended-family time with immediate family time. We don't always succeed at the stress-free part, but overall, pretty good.

Thanks, fam.

And then I got to do round two in Utah with some friends from college. It was such a blast to actually see people again-- not that I don't appreciate the phone time, but it's different. :) Being there in person pretty much made it a slumber party every night (which meant not so much sleeping but lots of talking, especially about boys and life plans).

I really loved being in an apartment with close girlfriends and having people around so frequently! One night, Ashley and I randomly invited 15 people from her apartment complex over for dinner. I ♥ random "dinner parties." Other nights involved smaller dinner groups, game nights, and various excursions. I love everyone I have here in Rhode Island too, but there's a different vibe with large groups of people that you just can't get in groups of 2-4, which is mostly how it goes here. More energy, I guess, which is fun sometimes no matter how much you love your heart-to-hearts. And I do love my heart-to-hearts.

I'm not sure I was quite ready to come back... but it was great. And I am glad to start catching up with the friends here that I missed while I was away!

Dentist vs. Haircut

Some people joke about going to the dentist like it's a fate worse than death. As in, the Worst. Experience. Ever.

I would rather go the the dentist than get my hair cut.

There are many reasons I feel this way, mostly centering around trying to find something I like (because I generally like styles that cannot possibly work with my hair) and then holding my breath to see if the stylist can actually make it happen.

However, I do like having healthy hair. And I do like having my layers back. So I finally did it-- long overdue.

Ta da!

Obviously, they straighten it so I can tell if it's just so, but I can only get away with straightening it out west where it's not humid. Generally, my hair will probably look more like this:

...Which I also like. Phew; done for a little while at least! :)

I hope they call me...

I'm very grateful that I got to spend Christmas with my whole family, because it will be the last one with all of us together for awhile! Tomorrow, my little (though taller) brother is going to the Missionary Training Center where he'll spend all day every day studying the Bible and Book of Mormon (among other things) and becoming fluent in Spanish-- in 6-9 weeks. Then he's off to Honduras to love, serve, and teach the people about the Savior for two years.

So, needless to say, this is probably the last blog post he's going to see for awhile. We can write letters, and he'll probably get to email immediate family, but I'm going to miss him! I'm proud of him and love him MUCHO!

Me and James-- Matching unintentional.


Most of the fam-- Becca was already in Chicago


And the grandparents

Te quiero, Jaime. ¡Estoy muy orgullosa de lo que has escogido hacer, y de los sacrificios que has hecho para servir al señor por 2 años! Espero que siempre sepas cuanto te aman tu familia y tus amigos. Voy a echarte de menos muchísimo y oraré para ti frecuentemente.

Y si no me escribes, voy a cazarte también hasta que te encuentro y resolvemos el problema. ;) Suerte y abrazos.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

Even though I have been on a fun-rationing plan lately in order to finish my papers, I have managed to squeeze in a little Christmas cheer this month.

To start things off, gingerbread houses! I said I was going to make a boat house, and someone asked the provocative question of whether that would be a house that holds boats, or a house that is a boat. The result:

The candy cane is supposed to be the mast, in case you couldn't tell (I don't know why you wouldn't be able to!), and the m&ms are fish.

So... I think it's ridiculous and hilarious, and I had fun making it. :)

Next on the Christmas-spirit list was music. I have the good fortune of knowing someone who knows everyone in Boston's choral music scene. We went up for a couple of Christmas concerts, and my favorite was the Harvard carol service. The music was so beautiful and well done. At one point, I realized all the tension had drained away and I was just left appreciating a gorgeous old church building full of gorgeous music. The best part about a carol service is that the congregation gets to participate too, and I do love me some singing. :)

Then, of course, there was some minor decorating:

Our primary prez got ornaments for all the kids (and teachers) and wrote "Primary 2009" on them. I love the shape and the simplicity, and it was fun to put this on top of my brightly colored tree. It will always remind me of the primary kids and how, despite the fact that they are sometimes impossible to corral, I love them.

Also, tender times with the roommate. I wasn't around most of the nights of Chanukah, but one night we lit her menorah together. (Well, she lit it and said the blessings, and I stood there and thought how cool it is that we can talk so positively and frankly about the commonalities in our spiritual views.) This picture doesn't really give you the full effect of the twinkling lights on the tree, but I still think it's great. Aww. :)

And what would Christmas time be without snow? We're not being slammed as badly as points south (like DC and NYC), but it's still snowing and they're canceling flights... Today's first glance at the airport's website made me hopeful, until I realized that most flights were only listed as "on time" because they're later in the day and thus haven't been officially canceled yet. :( I'm still optimistic, though, because I'm flying through Nashville this year instead of DC like I do for 99% of my flights out of Providence. I remember thinking (when I bought my ticket) that that was a strange place for a layover, but now I am ultra grateful for this blessing that probably means I'll be able to get to CO with no problems.

And weather.com (my oh-so-accurate source) says that the snow is supposed to stop by late afternoon today. So... Dear Providence, please plow tonight so I can get to the airport. And I hope the airport figures out how to get everyone out, because all the travelers that were supposed to leave today will want to get out tomorrow (when I'm leaving). Can airlines bump you? I sure hope not.

Anyway, I'm just hanging out in my little apartment, where I am also grateful for another huge blessing: living in an apartment where my landlord pays for heat!! (Most properties in Providence--including the place I lived last year-- make you pay your own heat, and it's very pricey.) So if anyone in the area wants to brave the storm and come over, you are welcome!

To those of you out west... See you soon!

Intense

Remember all the writing I said I had to do (and didn't really do because I was busy flitting around between states instead)? Well, the time of reckoning has arrived.

So I'll write a real post later this week. If you want to know how I'm doing in the meantime, picture me bouncing furiously on my exercise ball while I type an unending stream of intelligent thoughts. Ha ha! I was actually really productive yesterday, and while I'm feeling a little sluggish tonight, I think moving my little Christmas tree (thanks, Ginna) into my room for mood lighting is helping. :)

Rock and roll.