Marathon Training

My marathon is THIS WEEK. I'm excited and nervous... I can't believe I'm doing this, though I'm glad I am!

It started out as something that Mark asked me to do, and I thought it would finally be something we could accomplish together. It also turned into a great feeling of accomplishment, being able to do something I didn't think I could do. 

Well, then we skipped 3 long runs in a row and broke up. I would say last weekend was my lowest point of 2011. I was physically sick from the break up aftermath and only ran 12.6 miles on my 21-mile run day. Out of time to train, hating energy gel, and still crying most days, I was about ready to quit. I really wanted to crawl in a hole and try to make sense of my life that had fallen to pieces around me. (Or just sleep.) I still kind of want this.

Well, I have been careful to give myself space and time to experience all of that, get enough sleep, try to maintain my running schedule. I'm still heart broken. I'm still working through things I could have done differently (though I am trying valiantly to think about them in the context of future-- because "could have" is useless). It still hurts that everyone around me is getting married-- especially my friends that started dating right after we did. But I have been teaching myself to trust my emotions and have given myself time to process pieces without being in pieces all the time. I;m sure this will be a long process, so it's not like I'm saying this is over.

But I am going to finish what I started.

And yes, I am even running it with Mark. I anticipate the emotions will be pretty strong, and that's okay. I am not going to go back on my decision not to marry him, and I know we can't be real friends just yet. But my heart is at least a little bit on board this time, which will help. If it's the worst weekend ever, well, I will have learned something from that too.

Wish me luck!