Industrial Charm

Have I mentioned how much I love happening upon charming things in a city? Despite its size (or perhaps because of it), Providence has a lot of industrial charm going for it. These are my two favorite new pieces of graffiti this week. (Don't worry, I took the pictures when there weren't any kids walking by so as not to encourage delinquency. Not that I support it, but it is witty delinquency at least.)

Then there was this one:

(If you know what "pie" means in gangster speak, please don't tell me. 
Let me have my fun...)

I found Pie's twin in another place on a bridge:

I know it's graffiti, but I honestly love these little bits of character. I fall in love with a place by first finding my favorite running path and then, day by day, uncovering random flashes of vivacity. It's like the whole city is secretly a work of art that, once discovered, is a comforting 'inside joke' as I walk by each day.

What's your favorite mundane-but-charming sight/smell/sound?

The Year of No

I once started a book all about saying "yes". The premise of the novel was that, for a change of pace, the protagonist would say yes to any guy who asked her out. I don't know what happened to her (the book wasn't good enough for me to finish), but I'd like to release my own little challenge into the blog universe.

This is my year of no.

Not "no" to everyone or everything. Just saying "no" up front when I already know that that's what I want/mean. I tend to avoid or put off saying no, often with the hope that some logistic miracle will occur enabling me to do everything and be everywhere. I avoid saying no because I want to give a guy a chance and be open to possibilities. And sometimes I just don't like saying no because I don't want to deal with disappointing/angering (etc.) the other person.

If I say no, the world won't fall apart, I won't miss my 'one' chance, and I won't melt in any heat from other people's disappointment. (Duh, I know.) I've been thinking about this for the last several months, and I think this is a solid theme for my golden year. I don't have it down yet, but I've had some successes in being able to say no to bulldozing over the things that keep me centered just because that's what would work best for someone else that I want to help/serve/impress

And so, I suppose, it is also my year of a more thoughtful yes. Yes to spending time with the people I care the most about. Yes to staying physically and emotionally healthy and spiritually connected. Yes to using experiences as stepping stones toward my goals (no matter how uneven or unexpected) rather than accepting stagnation.Yes to Saturday morning social runs, to gym time, to a few projects that let me keep my head in the game of nutrition/exercise, and to speaking my mind with less worry about hurting other people's feelings. And definitely yes to meeting new people and going to activities, no matter who comes (or doesn't come) with me.

Happy golden year (and belated birthday post) to me! :)

Marathon and Pushing Through

Guess who survived the marathon! Me. (Kind of, barely.) Thanks for all of your supportive comments beforehand!

The before pictures:

The during pictures:

Not smiling quite as much in the during pictures.

It was really intense. I felt great the first 13 miles, and it was kind of downhill from there. Mark was very supportive and kept me going a few times, my favorite part being singing Bon Jovi to distract ourselves around mile 18. However, by the end I was really dragging. As soon as we crossed the finish line (6 hours later!) and downed a bottle of Gatorade, I magically had energy again. Lesson learned: Eat more when running for hours and hours, even if you don't like gel.

Things were so good with Mark that weekend that we got back together for a few weeks until it became unmistakably apparent that we do not value the same thing in a relationship. What can I say-- Love is exceedingly optimistic.  

On the upside, I am now far more confident in interpreting and trusting my feelings. I know how I feel when someone loves me for me (like in the beginning) and I know how good it feels to care about someone, talk through things because I care (even if I prefer to avoid hard discussions), and make plans together. I also know one person can't make the relationship work. When it's healthy and right, it's going to be great.

So where am I now? Back in Rhode Island. I started a painting that I've been wanting to do, bought the materials to make this cute bag, and am arranging regular volunteering. Tune in next time for pictures from my much-needed vacation to Arizona and Chicago. :)

Marathon Training

My marathon is THIS WEEK. I'm excited and nervous... I can't believe I'm doing this, though I'm glad I am!

It started out as something that Mark asked me to do, and I thought it would finally be something we could accomplish together. It also turned into a great feeling of accomplishment, being able to do something I didn't think I could do. 

Well, then we skipped 3 long runs in a row and broke up. I would say last weekend was my lowest point of 2011. I was physically sick from the break up aftermath and only ran 12.6 miles on my 21-mile run day. Out of time to train, hating energy gel, and still crying most days, I was about ready to quit. I really wanted to crawl in a hole and try to make sense of my life that had fallen to pieces around me. (Or just sleep.) I still kind of want this.

Well, I have been careful to give myself space and time to experience all of that, get enough sleep, try to maintain my running schedule. I'm still heart broken. I'm still working through things I could have done differently (though I am trying valiantly to think about them in the context of future-- because "could have" is useless). It still hurts that everyone around me is getting married-- especially my friends that started dating right after we did. But I have been teaching myself to trust my emotions and have given myself time to process pieces without being in pieces all the time. I;m sure this will be a long process, so it's not like I'm saying this is over.

But I am going to finish what I started.

And yes, I am even running it with Mark. I anticipate the emotions will be pretty strong, and that's okay. I am not going to go back on my decision not to marry him, and I know we can't be real friends just yet. But my heart is at least a little bit on board this time, which will help. If it's the worst weekend ever, well, I will have learned something from that too.

Wish me luck! 

Things That Make Me Happy

Mmm, some things I'm so grateful for:

1- Herbal tea to unwind after a long day-- even more relaxing with the beginning of fall nipping in through the still-open windows.

Chicago-- I'll be there next month!

2- YouTube Mormon Messages that provide the best, uplifting background when I am putting in some hours of work at 8:00 at night: This one is just cute, this is really touching, and I'm glad God loves me (and you).

3- This little grouping that I just added to my bedroom wall-- some of the most important people in my life.

James, Becca, and the parents

It makes me smile every time in I walk in to my room.

4- An amazing mentor, who not only offers excellent career advice but also cares enough to give good use-in-real-life advice, being several decades ahead of me in experience.

What makes you happy deep down in your core?

Bi-Annual Update

Once every six months counts as consistent, right?

This year has been pretty packed already. I've spent a lot of time with a great guy who has adventured a lot with me. We've had a lot of firsts together.

My first time east coast skiing... Biffed it a little bit on the ice, but we had a blast!

Visited the Basketball Hall of Fame. (Who knew basketball was invented in Massachusetts?)

My first Red Sox game!

Visited a lighthouse on Cape Cod:

We also visited a pirate museum nearby... Mark documented me and Cassidy being good pirates.

Hiked a little section of the Appalachian Trail:

We wrote random notes for other people to find, just those before us did.

There are also little huts along the way for through-hikers.

We had lots of other adventures too.. NY, DC... and just generally played!

He'll probably be in a few more pictures because we're training for a marathon in September. Woo hoo! Those of you who have trained for any kind of race should send me music advice, goo advice, and any other advice you can think of that will help me survive 26 miles. I'm actually pretty proud of myself so far. I never really loved running long distances, so every long run we do is my longest one ever. Last Saturday's run was 12 miles! My favorite part is that I can now consistently run the whole mid-week 6 mile runs (slowly, mind you)-- and 6 miles used to count as the long run. It's pretty cool.

The other big news I have is that I published my first article in a medical journal! (I had a ton of team support in writing it.) It was just released last Monday in the Archives of Internal Medicine. I don't know where that puts me in the long run, because I don't plan to stay in research, but it's cool anyway.

Who knew so much could happen in seven months!

Craving New Habits

Look! I'm blogging again! (At least right at the moment I am.) Since the last time I posted, I have settled down enough to get my footing again...

I spent most of September moving into my new apartment and making it mine. There's nothing I can do about the sort-of-hideous purple carpet (miss my wood floors!) but I think the kitchen and bathroom have turned out pretty well. Pictures sometime in the future.

In October, I worked mostly on settling into my job and getting used to wearing a suit more often. But at least once, I got to wear a different, much more exciting suit:

Surfing might be my new hobby for next summer. The weather was gorgeous and we had a blast. It was just what I needed as an outlet for all of the craziness that had been happening.

November and December were good for playing hard on the weekends and beginning the holiday fun. 

 

 Thanksgiving  

(Okay, this was actually a fake, pre-Thanksgiving in October, but I think the picture can count here. I actually spent Thanksgiving with Kelly and Jason, but no pics-- just good company and good food!)

 

Going to see The Nutcracker in Boston 

December was the biggest adventure of all. At work, we finally submitted an article for publication in a medical journal, on which I am first author! Besides that, I made kites, went skiing in UT, cleared my head, and hit a quarter-century. It was a particularly memorable birthday since I spent most of it in an airport before being diverted to Chicago. (Which was actually fine by me since I got to stay with Ashley and Aaron, whom I hadn't seen since their wedding this summer! Definitely worth the vacation time I wasn't planning on taking.)

As for the new year, it's going to be a good one. This month marks the end of my moratorium on "scheming about the future," so I'll be back to that shortly. :) For all the scheming though, I am glad I've stayed in RI. (I never thought I'd say that!)

I am learning so much about life and how to get where I want to be, and I'm pretty sure it's going to help me change the world. To a new year, new growth, and better blogging... Happy New Year!